School...
by The Guy Formerly Known as
Summary: PG-13 to be safe. Probably insane and unfunny but maybe not. The gang goes back to school. Plus I spell humor - humour!
1. The new kids...

Disclaimer: Blah blah ... you know the drill. Also, this can be consider either:  
a) funny and insane  
or b) insane and unfunny  
  
Your pick.  
  
Also, this is NOT my school.  
  
Teacher: Now we have some new students today class ...  
  
-FLASHBACK-  
  
Teacher: We have a new student today.  
  
Student: DIIIIE! (runs after teacher swinging a fire axe)  
  
-PRESENT-  
  
Teacher: ... unfortunently. Now I can't be bothered to read the list,  
  
Kid: 'cause you can't read.  
  
Teacher: How'd you know?! Anyway they're mainly from some TV show so you should recognize 'em.  
  
(enter A guy dressed in black who calls himself "The Graffiti Master", Ash, Misty, Brock, Tracey,  
Giovanni, Jessie, James, Todd and Duplica and all thier Pokèmon)  
  
Graffiti Master: A wall!  
  
(Graffiti Master sprays the wall with a huge picture of an ass)  
  
Runt: HAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Teacher: Go to the next room!  
  
Runt: Make me.  
  
Teacher: No. Hehe reverse phychology. Now the first lesson is English  
and as we are doing sentance structure,  
  
Kid: And you can't read.  
  
Teacher: Who keeps saying that? We're having a dance lesson.  
  
(spins) This is called Twirling like an idiot.  
  
(falls over)  
  
Jessie: What's that called?  
  
Teacher: NEXT DOOR NOW!  
  
Jessie: Make me.  
  
(Teacher hurls her through the wall)  
  
Jessie: ****!  
  
Class Runt: HAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Teacher: NEXT DOOR, NOW!  
  
Class Runt: Make me.  
  
Teacher: No.  
  
Jessie: Oh that is ****ing unfair.  
  
Teacher: Now this is called ... (jumps up and down spinning his fingers in  
his ears) ... I dunno.  
  
Jessie: Great.  
  
Teacher: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GO NEXT DOOR!  
  
Jessie: I AM NEXT DOOR!  
  
Teacher: STOP HARRASING ME PEOPLE! AAAGH! (Runs out screaming)  
  
A kid: Hey! No teacher...  
  
(2 minutes later)  
  
The screen shows a black board covered in graffiti and the Grafitti master  
spraying the walls, several desks are upturned, loud music is playing  
and you can hear high-pitched giggling coming from the supply cupboard.  
  
Kid: Holy **** people! We're free until the bell goes! Hahahahaha! ****!  
(Kid cuts himself on a knife stuck into the wall)  
  
(Soon the bell goes)  
  
Everyone: ****!  
  
(Jessie and James climb out of the cupboard)  
  
Kid: Maths next.  
  
(in the maths room)  
  
Teacher: What is 1+1?  
Runt: 12  
Teacher: Correct. Now 2+2?  
Ash: I wanna be the worlds best Pokèmon master!  
Misty: He'll never fall for that one you idiot.  
Teacher: Both of you are correct. 2+3.  
Jessie: 5.  
Teacher: YOU ARE WRONG AND YOU KNOW IT YOUNG LADY!  
What is a palentdromic date?  
Giovanni: A time when the planets are aligned and pink bunnies take over the earth?  
Teacher: Err ... (checks book) yes. What is a phychopath?  
Kid: What does this have to do with maths?  
Teacher: Correct. Now, what is a ...  
  
(Kid sneaks up to a bell and hits it with a tuning fork)  
  
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG!  
  
Teacher: A two minute lesson? Well break, now get out of here before I   
fix every one of you personally! Oh, and can some of you take the new kids  
on a tour.  
  
Kid: This is the school shop, we aren't allowed in the back for some reason.  
  
(zooms into the back and shows an illegal fireworks sale and three people playing  
rock, paper, scissors roulette (basicly where whover loses the round has to put  
a gun in his/her mouth and fire and see if a bullet comes out))  
  
Kid: We also aren't allowed into the male staff room.  
  
(zooms into the room and you see Playboys and porn posters everywhere)  
  
All the new kids sneak off.  
  
Ash: That sucked.  
Misty: For once I agree with you.  
Brock: Mist and Ash  
Sitting in a tree  
K-I-S-OW!  
(gets whacked by a mallet)  
I thought that's what kids do.  
Misty: You are a dimwit Brock.  
  
RRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG!  
  
Gary: Art next.  
Ash: Shuddup.  
  
Art Teacher (has a German accent): HELLO! After doing twenty years of still life it's time we   
moved on.  
Everyone: At last.  
Art Teacher: To Nude Modelling!  
Everyone: Crap.  
Art Teacher: Any volenteers.  
(the students stand in a horse-shoe shape around the teacher none of them  
moving in, Misty stares at the window in horror)  
(a Caterpie, pepper and carrot and on the window sill)  
Misty: AAAH! (runs into the centre)  
Art Teacher: Gut! A volenteer!  
Misty: Eep.  
  
To be continued...  
  
Do you like it? If so review! 


	2. The new bullies...

Discalimer: God damn. Read the other one.  
  
(Misty is posing in the nude in front of a circle of the pupils)  
  
Art Teacher: (Looking at Gary's work)  
Gut gut!  
(Moves on to Tracey)  
No ... zis is NOT Proffesor Oak Tracy.  
(Moves on to Ash)  
(amazed) How did you do this?  
Ash: I get a lot of practice.  
Misty: You mean THAT'S why I woke up naked yesterday...  
Ash: Er ... um ...  
RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!  
Ash: Phew.  
Gary: Hahahahaha!  
(starts singing the Ash and Misty sitting in a tree... song)  
(gets whacked by a Misty in her underclothes)  
  
IT lesson  
  
IT teacher: Now go on anything you want while I look up some hentai ...  
er - er ... I hate talking to myself into corners!  
(runs off)  
  
(Ash logs into a pokèmon site)  
(Duplica searches for acting techniques and looks for dittos)  
(Misty looks on bugphobiacsanonymous.com)  
(Todd looks on a camera site)  
(Gary looks for yaoi couples)  
  
Ash: What's a Pi-ka-choo?  
(gets shocked)  
What is it?  
(gets shocked)  
Pikachu?  
(Pikachu says add two and two dummy...)  
Oh, "He'll never fall for that one you idiot!" How silly of me!  
(gets shocked)  
  
Misty: AH! A CATERPIE ON THE SCREEN! THE APOCOLYPSE HAS ARRIVED PEOPLE!  
(runs off for ten minutes)  
  
Gary: WHAT THE **** IS PALLETSHIPPING?!  
  
IT teacher (muffled): DON'T SWEAR! Oh Joy I'd like to **** your ass off! (drools)  
  
Brock: ... Hey that's my idea!  
  
Giovanni: Huh ... how many guys have plotted to take over the Earth? It's so  
old, I know - I'll sing instead! Jessie, James listen to my song.  
  
# People are dying, children are crying,  
but I'M SUPER! Thanks for ashkin'! Sorry Mr...  
  
Jessie and James: It's gonna be a long day!  
  
Misty: Oh GOD MY EARS!  
  
RRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!  
  
Runt: Lunch.  
  
(in the lunch room)  
  
(everyone is sitting at the same table)  
(the doors burst open and fifty storm troopers burst in!)  
(enter the bully)  
  
Bully: Ass, gimme your seat.  
Ash: No you'd be able to stare at Misty.  
Bully: Bring it on.  
  
(10 minutes later)  
(all the kids are either hiding under chairs or tables or using pudding bowls  
as helmets)  
  
Ash (dueeling with the bully using a pencil): I will never turn to the dark side!  
Bully: Not even for 100 bucks and bully immunity?  
Ash: Hmm ...  
  
(the following song is Generation Evil and Snodin the writer/author kindly let me use it  
Thanx!)  
  
Chief Bully:  
THIS IS GONNA SOUND CRAZY- THEN AGAIN, I AM!  
'CAUSE I'M A F--KIN' MADMAN!  
EVER SINCE I WAS ONE, MOM AND DAD SAID, "SON,   
YOU'RE GONNA RULE THE WORLD WHEN YOU GROW UP!"  
AND HERE I AM- NINE YEARS OLD  
DOING EXACTLY WHAT I WAS TOLD  
MADE MYSELF AN ARMY, MADE MYSELF A NAVY  
MADE MYSELF A DYNASTY  
  
Bullys:  
WE ARE THE KIDS OF GENERATION EVIL  
WE'D LIKE TO THINK THAT WE'RE YOUR KIND OF PEOPLE!  
  
EV'RYBODY COME AND STAND UP  
EV'RYBODY THROW YOUR HANDS UP  
AIN'T NOBODY GONNA TELL YA   
WHAT TO DO  
EV'RYBODY TAKE YOUR PLACES  
SEE OUR HAPPY, SMILEY FACES  
WE'RE THE KIDS YOU SHOULD BE WITH,  
AND WE'RE HAPPY YOU!  
  
CEO Jewish Bully:  
THIS IS GONNA SOUND NASTY- THEN AGAIN WHO'S NOT?  
'CAUSE THIS IS COMING FROM A NAZI!  
WHEN I WAS FIVE, JUDAISM I COULD NO LONGER DESIRE  
SO I SET 'EM ALL ON FIRE!  
AND Y'ALL KNOW I DON'T REGRET IT. AND NO ONE WILL FORGET IT  
IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT YOU DON'T GET IT!  
NO ONE'S GONNA BLAME ME, NO ONE'S GONNA SHAME ME  
'CAUSE EVERYBODY HERE THINKS THE SAME THING!  
  
Bullys:  
WE ARE THE KIDS OF GENERATION EVIL  
WE'D LIKE TO THINK THAT WE'RE YOUR KIND OF PEOPLE!  
  
EV'RYBODY COME AND STAND UP  
EV'RYBODY THROW YOUR HANDS UP  
AIN'T NOBODY GONNA TELL YA   
WHAT TO DO  
EV'RYBODY TAKE YOUR PLACES  
SEE OUR HAPPY, SMILEY FACES  
WE'RE THE KIDS YOU SHOULD BE WITH,  
AND WE'RE HAPPY WITH YOU!  
Bullys:   
THIS IS GONNA SOUND EVIL- CAUSE EVERYBODY IS!  
AND IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS  
WHO GIVES A F--K IF WE'RE IN POST ARMEGEDDON?  
NOBODY'S REGRETTIN' WHATEVER WE'VE DONE!  
THEIR HELL IS OUR HEAVEN, THEIR HEAVEN'S THEIR LOSS!  
HERE, WE'RE OUR OWN BOSS!  
WELCOME TO THE NATION OF DEATH AND MUTILATION  
OF EVERYBODY ELSE WHO AIN'T OUR GENERATION!  
  
Ash:  
WE ARE THE KIDS OF GENERATION EVIL  
NOW I'M CONVINCED THAT YOUR MY KIND OF PEOPLE!  
  
Bullys:  
EV'RYBODY COME AND STAND UP  
EV'RYBODY THROW YOUR HANDS UP  
AIN'T NOBODY GONNA TELL YA   
WHAT TO DO  
EV'RYBODY TAKE YOUR PLACES  
SEE OUR HAPPY, SMILEY FACES  
WE'RE THE KIDS YOU SHOULD BE WITH,  
AND WE'RE HAPPY WITH YOU!  
  
EV'RYBODY COME AND STAND UP  
EV'RYBODY THROW YOUR HANDS UP  
AIN'T NOBODY GONNA TELL YA   
WHAT TO DO  
EV'RYBODY TAKE YOUR PLACES  
SEE OUR HAPPY, SMILEY FACES  
WE'RE THE KIDS YOU SHOULD BE WITH,  
AND WE'RE HAPPY WITH YOU!  
  
Ash:  
That's great,   
'CAUSE I'M STAYING WITH YOU!  
  
(they all laugh)  
  
Giovanni: # Have you ever had a dream come true?  
  
(zoom out to reveal evidently fake Jessie and James models)  
  
Giovanni: (finsihes song)  
What'd ya think?  
  
(zooms into Jessie and James)  
  
(they're in the bully crowd along with Ash, Misty and The Grafitti Master.)  
  
(As the crowd moves on you can see huge bits of grafitti behond them)  
  
To be continued ...  
  
PS Giovanni: I'm a great pop star! 


	3. The Bully Bog

Disclaimer: Hmm ... I bet you are wondering!  
  
RRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!  
  
All the singing kids: Aw.  
  
Giovanni: # Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away,  
but that was ...  
  
Everyone: Shut up!  
  
Giovanni: I'm hurt. (sniffles) # I see friends shakin' hands  
saying, "How do you do?" they're really saying I love you.  
  
Gary: When Ash says that to Misty that's true. (sings the K-I-S-S-I-N-G song)  
  
(Misty whacks him over the head with a sledge hammer)  
(Gary is out cold)  
  
Misty: (whistles and strafes off)  
  
(Half-way through the lesson)  
(You can see all the students in a gym (human!) half-dressed)  
  
PE teacher: Hello everyone! Now today ...  
(sees Jessie - the only person in PE gear)  
CHANGE OUT OF THAT SLUTTY OUTFIT RIGHT NOW!  
  
Jessie: NO!  
  
PE Teacher: NEXT DOOR NOW!  
  
Jessie: Okay, then I'll go next ...  
  
PE Teacher: (cutting in) Too slow! (hurls Jessie through the wall)  
  
Jessie: Oh no, not again!  
  
PE Teacher: ... anyway we're doing cricket.  
  
Bully: DDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (swings a cricket bat  
  
-FLASHBACK-  
  
Teacher: We have a new student today.  
  
Student: DIIIIE! (runs after teacher swinging a fire axe)  
  
-END FLASHBACK-  
  
PE Teacher: OH NO! YOU'RE STILL HERE! (The bully was the new kid who attacked  
the illiterate teacher)  
  
(PE Teacher runs off into the sunset, leaving the bully behind)  
  
PE Teacher: OW! SUN HOT! SUN HO-OT!  
  
Bully: ... How the **** did he get there? And why the hell am I carrying  
a cricket bat? (chucks it off)  
  
Ash: Wow.  
  
Kid: Hey, some one's not here...  
  
-NEARBY-  
  
Gary: (stirring) Uh...  
  
(Gary gets hit by a flying cricket bat)  
  
Gary: OW! (falls unconcious)  
  
-IN THE GYM-  
  
Kid: Eh ... who cares?  
  
(zooms out to see the Graffiti Master offering "stunning portraits on the wall and  
bootleg CDs)  
  
Ash and Misty: Me first!  
  
Graffiti Master: Relax I'll do both of you.  
  
(sprays on a pornographic picture of Ash and Misty in ... an unusual position.)  
  
Ash and Misty: ... It's GREAT!  
  
Graffiti Master: 10 bucks.  
  
Bully: (speaking thorugh a megaphone) WILL ALL BULLY GANG MEMBERS  
PLEASE REPORT TO THE TOILETS 20 MINUTES AFTER SCHOOL! ALL   
PEOPLE WISHING TO JOIN CAN COME AT THIER OWN RISK! I REPEAT ... ALL  
  
-After school-  
  
The school runt walks through the door ... to find EVERY STUDENT  
THERE!  
  
Giovanni: # 55 bottles of ... hic beer on the wall! 55 bottles of ...  
stuff. You take one down and ya' ... hic! it around.  
67 bottles of ...  
  
(you see Luke Skywalker and Obi Wan fighting around)  
  
Runt: Er ... wow!  
  
Bully King: Approach my toilet cubicle for membership.  
  
(Runt opens a door)  
  
Ash and Misty: Mmm ... HEY! A LITTLE PRIVACY!  
  
(Runt trys again)  
  
J+J: HEY!  
  
(Runt tries yet again)  
  
(shows Graffiti Master spraying the S word onto the toilet)  
  
Graffiti Master: S-H-I-and- HEY! SHOO!  
  
(Runt opens the final door)  
  
Bully King: Oh GOD! You! Everyone - pile on this runt.  
  
(everyone chases after Runt, (except for a few preoccupied people) who  
quickly runs off.)  
  
-TWO MINUTES LATER-  
  
(Runt is outside the open supply cupboard)  
  
Runt: Thirsty!  
  
(He sees a bottle with a smily face on it and gulps it down.)  
(Runts eyes go crossed and a silly grin appears on his face)  
  
To be continued ...  
  
NEXT CHAPTER BASED NEXT DAY  



	4. The Kid Rebellion begins.

FIRST LESSON - MATHS  
  
(Maths teacher comes in)  
  
Teacher: I have a suprise for you!  
  
(shows Ash, Misty, Jessie and James preocuupied)  
  
Teacher: It's really great!  
  
(shows Gary unconcious)  
  
Teacher: Its ...  
Giovanni: # Shut your ****ing face Uncle ****er!  
Teacher: NEXT DOOR NOW!  
Giovanni: Make me!  
Teacher: Okay. (Picks up Jessie and hurls her through a wall)  
Teacher: I had eye surgery today, so I can't see well. THAT'S THE SUPRISE!  
(James steals his wallet)  
(Jessie steals his answer book)  
(Runt looks dazed)  
  
Teacher: POP QUIZ!  
Runt: POP!  
Everyone else: ****!  
Teacher: LANGUAGE!  
Runt: LAN!  
Everyone else: ****!  
Teacher: LANGUAGE!  
(it carries on)  
  
RIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!  
  
Intercom: We have some very important members of the Japanese Mafia ... I mean British  
Royal Family with us today ... (hacks) PUT THAT KNIFE AWAY AGISAKI! Anyway go to the assembly hall...  
(Foreign voice) And bring all your money!  
  
Giovanni: # Money, money, money...  
  
Misty: Doesn't it strike you as odd that his voice suddenly changed...  
Ash: Who cares? Let's make out!  
Misty: Hell yeah!  
  
-AFTER THE "ASSEMBLY"-  
  
(They enter a classroom where Ash and Misty currently reside)  
  
Runt: HEHEHEHE! BABOON! (dances a jig) I AM THE MIGHTY POO MONSTER ...  
Giovanni: (sings Misty's song - I don't know the lyrics - sorry) That was   
written by Misty Waterflower!  
Misty: (blushing) He he he.  
Meowth: Do I smell burgers?  
Kids: LLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHH!  
(lots run off)  
Kids: (distantly) PPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGG SSSSSSSSSWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLL!  
Meowth: (far away) Euch.  
  
-IN THE LUNCH QUEUE-  
  
Brock: (swooning over a Lunch Lady) Let's cook together! OH! How grand.  
Graffitti Master: Tastes of ass. (accidently spills red paint over it) (tastes)  
Hmm ... chocolate.  
Tracey: Hey I saw a Slugma in this spagetti!  
Todd: Lemme see!  
Duplica: Can you see a Ditto in there?  
Ditto: DIT!  
  
Ash: (chews) Euch. Hey chemicals. (swallows) LALALALALALA!  
Misty: (swallows) LA DA DE LA LA DUM!  
Together: LA LA LA LA! DO DE DO DO DE DO DE DO DO!  
(Suddenly sings an entire orchestra playing The Entire Musical Composè  
of the Star Wars trilogy with outstanding perfection)  
  
Music Teacher: AMAZING! YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS CAN JOIN THE CHOIR!  
Bullies: Er ... okay.  
  
(TEN MINUTES LATER)  
  
(shows all the bully group wearing sunglasses and long chapel cloaks)  
Music Teacher: Now ...  
Choir: WE AREN'T GONNA TAKE YOUR FASCIST RULE NO MORE!  
(The choir whip off the cloaks revealing all the men wearing t-shirts with  
bleeding smily faces on and the women steel bras and steel underpants - everyone with lots of weapons)  
(they all fire their guns at the chapel teacher)  
(corks fly at the chapel teacher)  
(two final corks fly at the music teacher to make him unconcious)  
(suddenly the corks transform into a bowl of petunias and a rather surprised looking  
sperm whale)  
  
To be continued... 


	5. Another day, when will something good ha...

School ... Part 4   
  
(Sunset - all is peaceful in a cornfield the scarecrow blows in the wind - the farmer  
is in town on a killing spree and well, you get the idea)  
  
(suddenly!) (nothing)  
Lupustheflyingdog: I apologize for the appauling mistake that may be mistaken for a  
joke - rest assured you're taxes will be raised for this.  
Audiance: Aw ... No!  
  
(suddenly) Runt: Jhjhjhsjhrjhrhwdjghdhfyewuy384hfoo!   
(a HUGE robotic spaceship thing comes directly above Runt)  
Robot: Child out of school - commencing fetch sequence!  
(a huge three pronged claw picks up Runt)  
(when everyone else is trudging into school)  
Robot: (50 feet up still holding Runt) Dropping off! (drops Runt)  
Runt: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! gGhfhdfasf! WEEEEEEEE!  
Gary: (stirring again) Uhg! (looks up to see Runt falling directly above him)  
Oh no, not agai... (you hear a bonk! as Runt lands on Gary knocking him unconcious  
and walks into school)  
  
INSIDE  
  
Illiterate teacher: Now as you know I can't do English.  
Kid: 'Cos you can't re... (BANG!)  
Illiterate teacher: (holding a smoking magnum) Got 'im!  
Runt: jGJHGJGjgjfgsjdgfjsui36r873cb!  
Illiterate Teacher: Really? Must dash!  
Ash: Are all the teacher's here insane.  
Bully: That's my theory.  
Ash: What happened to our revelotion again?  
Bully: Oh we just demanded the restrictions on the internet go off, we get to wear  
what WE want and we can DO what WE want.  
Ash: So that's why Misty -- (NC-17 bit and I can't be bothered to write  
it)  
Bully: Yeah. Weren't you an innocent sissy on your show.  
Ash: Wasn't Conker cutsey before Conker's Bad Fur Day?  
Bully: ... fuck. You're right.  
  
--- Half a second later ---  
Bully: Fuck!  
Ash: Shit!  
Bully: Fuck!  
Ash: Shit!  
Bully: Fuck!  
Ash: Shit!  
Bully: Fuck!  
Ash: Shit!  
Bully: Fuck!  
Ash: Shit! Why are we doing this again?  
Bully: Who cares? Fu...  
  
--- Next lesson ---  
  
PE Teacher: To master Karate you must have complete concentration ...  
Ash: Shit!  
Bully: Fuck!   
PE Teacher: ... and you will soon be able to do this! (kicks through a wall)  
Ash: Fhit!  
Bully: Suck!  
  
(OUTSIDE)  
(Gary stirs only to get knocked out again by the wrecked Gym wall)  
(a teacher passes by)  
  
Gary: (half-concious) Heeeelp meee.  
(Conker walks by, hits Gary with a frying pan and leaves again)  
  
Misty:(from inside) Strange.  
  
--- LAST LESSON AFTER 1 STUDENT DEATH, 5 TEACHER DEATHS, A CLOGGED TOILET  
AND A BIG BOILER GOING MAD AND BREATHING FIRE ---  
  
(you see a close up of Jessie being swung around and smashing through a wall)  
(you see the view going up her skirt and then ... the view turns around to show Lupustheflyingdog)  
Lupustheflyingdog: Hghm ... this fic has bad language and horrific violence ONLY!  
(the screen goes black and you hear strange noises)  
Message: The person responsible for this act of perversion has been forced to wear  
a kilt in public for 54 years, then asked to be shot and fed to a three-headed dog  
and finally asked to hump a beehive.  
  
---- END OF CHAPTER ---- 


End file.
